For anyone who has gone through a divorce, you already know it can be a challenge. During these times, tensions are already high. And when children are involved, those issues can feel overwhelming.
Fortunately, parenting plans can create structure and minimize family conflict during one of life’s most difficult transitions. But what happens when you are involved in a high-conflict divorce?
You may be worried about how co-parenting will work or whether your child will get caught in the middle. Understanding how parenting plans work in high-conflict divorces can give you the steps to set healthy boundaries and protect your child’s well-being.
What Is a Parenting Plan?
Under Tennessee law, every divorce involving minor children needs a parenting plan. This document outlines how you and your co-parent will share responsibilities and make decisions about your child’s upbringing. This plan covers:
- Where your child will live during the week, on weekends, and during holidays and school breaks.
- Who will make decisions about schooling, medical care, religious upbringing, and extracurricular activities.
- How and when each parent will communicate with the child when they are with the other parent.
- Ways to resolve disagreements in the future without having to go back to court.
For families in high-conflict situations, these plans provide structure that can help keep arguments to a minimum and give children the stability they need. That is the goal, but sometimes, these plans can create more conflict between parents.
Why Parenting Plans Can Still Cause Issues
Parenting plans are designed to create structure and reduce arguments between co-parents. However, in some high-conflict situations, they can become another source of tension. If your parenting plan is not solving problems like you hoped, you’re not alone.
This is a common struggle for parents coming out of a contentious divorce. Even with a detailed plan in place, old communication patterns can creep back in and create stress for everyone involved, especially the kids.
Here are a few ways parenting plans can unintentionally lead to more conflict:
Gray Areas Lead to Arguments
Disagreements are almost inevitable if the plan is unclear about certain issues, such as exact pick-up and drop-off times, how holidays are divided, or who covers transportation.
Rigidity vs. Real Life
Life is unpredictable. Strict schedules can clash with work demands, school events, or a sick child. And when one parent asks for flexibility, the other may see it as bending or breaking the rules.
Using the Plan as Leverage
In high-conflict cases, one parent might try to use the plan as a weapon. They may refuse reasonable requests or withhold information to “punish” the other parent.
Communication Breakdowns
Even with a plan, parents who struggle to communicate may fall into old habits like angry texts, passive-aggressive emails, or involving the child in adult issues.
These conflicts can be exhausting. They put children in the middle, and that’s something no parent wants.
Steps to Reduce Parenting Plan Conflicts
The good news is that there are ways to make parenting plans work, even in difficult situations. Some of these steps include:
Make the Plan as Detailed as Possible
When creating or modifying a plan, you want to work with a lawyer to spell out every detail, down to pick-up locations, how to handle schedule changes, and communication rules. The clearer the plan, the less room there is for disagreements.
Bring in a Parenting Coordinator
In some cases, a neutral professional can help parents stick to the plan, resolve day-to-day issues, and keep things focused on the child’s needs instead of old resentments.
Modify the Plan if Necessary
If your parenting plan is not working or one parent is constantly ignoring it, this might be the time to go back to court and request a modification.
Keep the Focus on Your Child
Remember, the parenting plan isn’t about “winning” or “losing.” This is about creating your child’s most stable, loving environment possible. Shifting your mindset can sometimes take the heat out of an argument before it even starts.
Find Legal Guidance for Your High-Conflict Parenting Plan Issues
You can create a blueprint to resolve some of these issues by understanding parenting plans in high-conflict divorces. If your parenting plan is causing more stress than relief, it may be time to get guidance from a family law attorney who can handle high-conflict situations.
At Easter & DeVore, Attorneys at Law, we’ve worked with many parents in similar situations. We can help craft a parenting plan that reduces conflict instead of fueling it. Schedule a consultation today.
